If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
