i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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