I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
