So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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