i need an iv and a liver transplant
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
