3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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