Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
