Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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