Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
