Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
