were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
