Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
