I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
