Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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