Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
