Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
