Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
