Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
