Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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