Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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