i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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