i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wear drunk well.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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