My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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