i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize