Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
