the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
