I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
