I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize