if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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