It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
