she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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