She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
