My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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