Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
