that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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