Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
