Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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