found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize