It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
