It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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