I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were trust falling into bushes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
