I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
