cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
