Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
