Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
