You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
