remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
