I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
