I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
