He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
