Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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