dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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