just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
