I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
