I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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