the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
