Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
