She's JV to your varsity
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
