i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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