if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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