I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
