in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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