I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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