So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Pappa wants mamma naked
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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