last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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