So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
