oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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