Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
