A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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