My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
