Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
