Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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