I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
