I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize