I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
