Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
