what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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