Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
