no, he came in my armpit
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
