Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
jump out the window naked night went bad
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